JOKES

Anything at all goes here. Keep it clean.
Post Reply
User avatar
bokki
Posts: 387
Joined: Sat Nov 11, 2017 4:31 pm

JOKES

Post by bokki » Mon Feb 19, 2018 1:17 am

LOL
ill b back
lol
keep ur socks on
a rough ride
lol
c u sooon
Another log on the fire,
10,000 frogs singing in the rain,
burst into flames.
- Linda Anderson

User avatar
Wayfarer
Posts: 173
Joined: Tue Dec 26, 2017 7:42 am
Location: Sydney AU
Contact:

Re: JOKES

Post by Wayfarer » Mon Feb 19, 2018 9:27 am

A: How many Buddhists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Q; Three. One to change it, one not to change it, and one to neither change it nor not change it. :lol:
The most important thing is not at all important.

User avatar
fuki
Posts: 2493
Joined: Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:02 am
Location: Zandvoort, The Netherlands

Re: JOKES

Post by fuki » Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:47 pm

Abraham Lincoln once asked one of his secretaries, If you call a tail a leg, how many legs does a horse have?. Five, replied the secretary. No, said the President, The answer is four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.


According to an ancient Indian fable, a mouse was in constant distress because of its fear of the cat. A magician took pity on it and turned it into a cat. But then it became afraid of the dog. So the magician turned it into a dog. Then it began to fear the panther. So the magician turned it into a panther. Whereupon it was full of fear for the hunter. At this point the magician gave up, and turned it into a mouse again saying, Nothing I do for you is going to be of any help because you have the heart of a mouse.
meldpunt seksueel misbruik in boeddhistische gemeenschappen.
https://meldpuntbg.nl/

IZIhttp://www.zeninstitute.org/en/iziae/main.html

User avatar
boda
Posts: 542
Joined: Wed Jan 31, 2018 5:27 am

Re: JOKES

Post by boda » Mon Feb 19, 2018 9:06 pm

Q: How much "ego" do you need?
A: Just enough so that you don't step in front of a bus.

~ Shunryu Suzuki

User avatar
boda
Posts: 542
Joined: Wed Jan 31, 2018 5:27 am

Re: JOKES

Post by boda » Mon Feb 19, 2018 9:07 pm

Knock knock!

User avatar
Wayfarer
Posts: 173
Joined: Tue Dec 26, 2017 7:42 am
Location: Sydney AU
Contact:

Re: JOKES

Post by Wayfarer » Tue Feb 20, 2018 2:20 am

OK then - 'who is there'?
The most important thing is not at all important.

User avatar
fuki
Posts: 2493
Joined: Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:02 am
Location: Zandvoort, The Netherlands

Re: JOKES

Post by fuki » Tue Feb 20, 2018 8:13 am

:lol:
meldpunt seksueel misbruik in boeddhistische gemeenschappen.
https://meldpuntbg.nl/

IZIhttp://www.zeninstitute.org/en/iziae/main.html

User avatar
boda
Posts: 542
Joined: Wed Jan 31, 2018 5:27 am

Re: JOKES

Post by boda » Tue Feb 20, 2018 4:43 pm

Wayfarer wrote:
Tue Feb 20, 2018 2:20 am
OK then - 'who is there'?
Boo

User avatar
[james]
Posts: 359
Joined: Wed Nov 01, 2017 1:19 am
Location: Are we there yet?

Re: JOKES

Post by [james] » Tue Feb 20, 2018 6:17 pm

bodhi wrote:
Tue Feb 20, 2018 4:43 pm
Wayfarer wrote:
Tue Feb 20, 2018 2:20 am
OK then - 'who is there'?
Boo
Haha!!! ... good one. :lol: :lol: :lol:

User avatar
fuki
Posts: 2493
Joined: Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:02 am
Location: Zandvoort, The Netherlands

Re: JOKES

Post by fuki » Tue Feb 20, 2018 7:59 pm

[james] wrote:
Tue Feb 20, 2018 6:17 pm
bodhi wrote:
Tue Feb 20, 2018 4:43 pm
Wayfarer wrote:
Tue Feb 20, 2018 2:20 am
OK then - 'who is there'?
Boo
Haha!!! ... good one. :lol: :lol: :lol:
Oh there was a punchline? lol

jhythgr.png
jhythgr.png (275.15 KiB) Viewed 1626 times
meldpunt seksueel misbruik in boeddhistische gemeenschappen.
https://meldpuntbg.nl/

IZIhttp://www.zeninstitute.org/en/iziae/main.html

User avatar
[james]
Posts: 359
Joined: Wed Nov 01, 2017 1:19 am
Location: Are we there yet?

Re: JOKES

Post by [james] » Tue Feb 20, 2018 8:40 pm

fuki wrote:
Tue Feb 20, 2018 7:59 pm
Oh there was a punchline? lol
Punchline!!! Ho ho ... very good. :109: :bow2:

User avatar
desert_woodworker
Posts: 1514
Joined: Fri Nov 10, 2017 12:20 am
Location: Southern Arizona desert, USA

Re: JOKES

Post by desert_woodworker » Sat Apr 07, 2018 2:46 pm

Why are there no Zen Buddhist stand-up comics?
Ignorance is to be ignorant of one's original mind. - Ma Tsu

Liberation is awakening to one's original nature. - Ma Tsu

A guest never knows how much to laugh at a family joke. -Henny Youngman

Bodhi-Mind is working for the good of others. -Hakuin

User avatar
fuki
Posts: 2493
Joined: Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:02 am
Location: Zandvoort, The Netherlands

Re: JOKES

Post by fuki » Sat Apr 07, 2018 3:59 pm

desert_woodworker wrote:
Sat Apr 07, 2018 2:46 pm
Why are there no Zen Buddhist stand-up comics?
No "audience" for an inside joke.

You have something ready related to "sitting" eh?
meldpunt seksueel misbruik in boeddhistische gemeenschappen.
https://meldpuntbg.nl/

IZIhttp://www.zeninstitute.org/en/iziae/main.html

User avatar
fuki
Posts: 2493
Joined: Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:02 am
Location: Zandvoort, The Netherlands

Re: JOKES

Post by fuki » Sat Apr 07, 2018 7:52 pm

desert_woodworker wrote:
Sat Apr 07, 2018 2:46 pm
Why are there no Zen Buddhist stand-up comics?
Speaking of jokes, I just read this description of the movie "you were never really here"
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5742374/

Balancing between feverish dreamlike hallucinations of a tormented past and a grim disoriented reality| the grizzled Joe--a traumatised Gulf War veteran and now an unflinching hired gun who lives with his frail elderly mother--has just finished successfully yet another job. With an infernal reputation of being a brutal man of results| the specialised in recovering missing teens enforcer will embark on a blood-drenched rescue mission| when Nina| the innocent 13-year-old daughter of an ambitious New York senator| never returns home. But amidst half-baked leads and a desperate desire to shake off his shoulders the heavy burden of a personal hell| Joe's frenzied plummet into the depths of Tartarus is inevitable| and every step Joe takes to flee the pain| brings him closer to the horrors of insanity. In the end| what is real| and what is a dream? Can there be a new chapter in Joe's life when he keeps running around in circles?

Guess the joke's on Joe, though I'd say "the mind that never was" might be a more suitable title :cat:
meldpunt seksueel misbruik in boeddhistische gemeenschappen.
https://meldpuntbg.nl/

IZIhttp://www.zeninstitute.org/en/iziae/main.html

User avatar
desert_woodworker
Posts: 1514
Joined: Fri Nov 10, 2017 12:20 am
Location: Southern Arizona desert, USA

Re: JOKES

Post by desert_woodworker » Sun Apr 08, 2018 4:43 am

No, Gentle Reader, it's not about me.

--Joe
Ignorance is to be ignorant of one's original mind. - Ma Tsu

Liberation is awakening to one's original nature. - Ma Tsu

A guest never knows how much to laugh at a family joke. -Henny Youngman

Bodhi-Mind is working for the good of others. -Hakuin

User avatar
desert_woodworker
Posts: 1514
Joined: Fri Nov 10, 2017 12:20 am
Location: Southern Arizona desert, USA

Re: JOKES

Post by desert_woodworker » Sun Apr 08, 2018 4:48 am

Ohayo,
fuki wrote:
Sat Apr 07, 2018 3:59 pm
desert_woodworker wrote:
Sat Apr 07, 2018 2:46 pm
Why are there no Zen Buddhist stand-up comics?
No "audience" for an inside joke.

You have something ready related to "sitting" eh?
Right.

Let me re-state, and give the punch-line.

First of all, no punch line is needed (due to the fact you mention, Fuki). But, in a different vein, let me play along and extenuate:

"Why are there no Zen Buddhist stand-up comics?"

"Because they're all in sit-coms!"

--Joe
Ignorance is to be ignorant of one's original mind. - Ma Tsu

Liberation is awakening to one's original nature. - Ma Tsu

A guest never knows how much to laugh at a family joke. -Henny Youngman

Bodhi-Mind is working for the good of others. -Hakuin

User avatar
fuki
Posts: 2493
Joined: Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:02 am
Location: Zandvoort, The Netherlands

Re: JOKES

Post by fuki » Sun Apr 08, 2018 1:46 pm

desert_woodworker wrote:
Sat Apr 07, 2018 2:46 pm

"Why are there no Zen Buddhist stand-up comics?"

"Because they're all in sit-coms!"

--Joe
:lol:
meldpunt seksueel misbruik in boeddhistische gemeenschappen.
https://meldpuntbg.nl/

IZIhttp://www.zeninstitute.org/en/iziae/main.html

User avatar
bokki
Posts: 387
Joined: Sat Nov 11, 2017 4:31 pm

Re: JOKES

Post by bokki » Mon Apr 09, 2018 4:37 pm

hi, ok , this is also mine, ohh me soo proud..LOL

on this rain drenched autumn afternoon,
into a bar in the center of this megalopolis,
half full, half empty, quite quiet,
runs a gent with his umbrella,
zapp to the bar, and says:
"bartender! "
the bartender, happy to cut his short talk with regs...:
"yes, sir!?"
"a double metaphor, warm, straight up, now."
yes, sir.
zapp. :

öh, that nice..how much?"
"10 bucks."
"that is expensive! give me another double,
just a pinch of salt,
and a dash of Tabasco."
yes sir!
:"ök that was nice, here u go, plus d tip,,see you."
and starts for the door.
the bartender:
"sir, would you like another "metaphor"for free?"
Another log on the fire,
10,000 frogs singing in the rain,
burst into flames.
- Linda Anderson

User avatar
fuki
Posts: 2493
Joined: Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:02 am
Location: Zandvoort, The Netherlands

Re: JOKES

Post by fuki » Wed Apr 11, 2018 11:38 am

A little joke (sir bob)

We are usually much too busy to recognize it, but prior to our engaging adventures in consciousness – that ever-changing theater of desire, knowledge, and experience — there is only awareness, the same state in which we now exist.

Somehow, in the scheme of things, a kaleidoscopic realm of time and space miraculously appears. It’s a wild, whirling world of endlessly modifying phenomena, in the midst of which I find myself just sitting, or just standing — localized in any case as the immediate matrix of attention.

Just as in deep sleep, there is no actual “myself”, no awareness of a person, until a thought manages to dredge itself up from the back lot of oblivion and create the sense or facsimile of a subject. That subject wasn’t there previously, and yet here it is now — here “I” am.

Upon inspection, we can recognize that subjective sense for what it is — a mental construct, a fabrication created out of thin air, like a rabbit pulled from a magician’s hat. Nevertheless, our habitual assumption is to take it as our personal identity, because that is how habits work — they are simply the mind’s default position in the midst of this infinite mystery. However, when we turn our attention back to the mind itself, there is nothing there that we can grasp – no mind, no thing at all. There is definitely something humorous about that – a kind of little joke — though few are those who get the punch line.

Well and good, but beyond our contrived individual self-sense, what about the “Absolute”, one might ask. Upon some investigation, what we can notice is that humans play feed-back loops of their own mental accumulations and somehow sort out from that vast collection of sense impression files and filtered memory programs one particular fantasy of interpretation on perception which they subjectively determine constitutes the “Absolute”, “God”, the “Self”, etc..

Subsequently, they are prone to indulge their imagination with that mentally fabricated construct until another more appealing fantasy of interpretation is formulated, based on a new set of sense impressions and filtered programs arising as perception and designated as “Transcendental”.

Because the mind cannot grasp itself, it is claimed that this so-called “Absolute” cannot be known, and that is true to the extent that it has never been other than the mind itself, in the same way that the eye cannot see itself except as a reflection. For an auditory reference, the “Absolute” is the sound of one hand clapping.

Just so, when we awaken from sleep in the morning, for a moment there is only pure awareness. Then we get busy again, weaving and superimposing an increasingly complex story line on the bare bones of existence. It’s an extended narrative centered around this fictional character with whom we are habitually identified, merely by the nature of our seeming appearance in space time, which is actually a compounded mental event too, and a humorous one at that.

Now, when there is just sitting, or just standing still, there is no history of a person, no anticipation of some future for a person, no sense of a person present here, nor regrets for past indiscretions perpetrated by any such person. There are no time calculations or projections, no creation or destruction, no wanting or avoiding, nor any Absolute to be known, felt, worshiped, or denied. None of that arises to confirm a personal identity which is subject to any of it. It is not happy or sad, nor can any quality or emotional flavor be pinned on it, since it is all transparent, like empty sky.

I love the sky, I truly do, and because it is so empty I can disappear in it, as if I never was, as if none of this ever happened, as if nothing ever happens at all. Maybe suffering means to linger on, and not disappear. How dreadful! In any case, what is there to even disappear? Nothing can actually come or go, except as a kind of cloud, a cloud of moisture’s imagination. Really, there is just the vastness of sky, stretching infinitely in all directions, and yet, we all love the first signs of rain. Just so, when we hear the phrase, “Once upon a time . . .” we anticipate a good story will follow.

Beyond all stories of rain or shine, there is awareness, but it is not self-conscious. There is no “I am the sky” or “Here comes the sun.” It is all just standing still, as the sky, as aware space, as clear light that does not even think of itself as light. It does not reflect back on itself, and so there is no “itself”, any more than there is “myself”. It is not bliss, it is not anything with a name. Some say emptiness, but it is empty of emptiness too.

Why? Because, paradoxically, it is filled with everything, everything is here. It never goes away. Things seem to come and go to the mind entangled in a duality of subject and objects, but that is only the play of consciousness, which is a kind of miracle too: that there is anything at all, rather than nothing whatsoever.

Yes, it is like a little joke, a quiet and relaxed bit of lighthearted humor that is barely noticed at all, and only mentioned because it is a good reason not to take anything seriously, especially the character called “myself”, the one sitting or standing still and just staring out into itself.

Maybe there is a slight hint of a smile, because that is all there is, this nameless mystery filled with everyone and everything — all just fervently going about the humorous business of characters juggling props in a dream theater of itself, the totality of the universal existence, both manifest and unmanifest, absolute and relative, and so forth and so on, right up to the end of this run-on sentence.

Just so, we may be both asleep and awake simultaneously, though we tend to imagine that we are this or that exclusively, based on ideas that have no real source anywhere but in our own mind. Perhaps it might seem as if others appeared who implanted programs and filters that conditioned our perception along the way. However, even that illusion has been part of the play, the convincing drama of self and others and all the stuff they get up to — tears and laughter, and sometimes just sitting or standing, like imagined characters in a dream.

We love our dream characters, because creators love their productions, and thus time enters the picture, just so that all these various interdependent stories can unfold at their perfect pace, allowing for ingenious subplots to modify consciousness and reveal the endless nature of experience as it expands, smoke-like, to infinity.

Then, once upon a time, a temple bell in primordial space reverberates at the break of dawn, and we immediately forget everything all over again. This too is part of the little joke, barely noticed in the scheme of things, the source of that smile on the Buddha’s face, the unfathomable gift of an amazing grace.
~Sir Bob
meldpunt seksueel misbruik in boeddhistische gemeenschappen.
https://meldpuntbg.nl/

IZIhttp://www.zeninstitute.org/en/iziae/main.html

User avatar
desert_woodworker
Posts: 1514
Joined: Fri Nov 10, 2017 12:20 am
Location: Southern Arizona desert, USA

Re: JOKES

Post by desert_woodworker » Mon Apr 30, 2018 1:09 am

Not a joke, per se; except maybe all together.


Post Reply